The cycle started immediately. Guilt and fear were held over my head from the moment I was told I needed Jesus Christ to save me or I would die and suffer a violent end an eternity in hell. I was told I would burn alongside all the other “awful sinners” if I didn’t say the prayer and repent of my “terrible sins.” I was told I was born bad, unworthy of anything good unless I followed the rules.
It makes me sick even to write this. I feel anger. I was exploited. I was taken advantage of, and I paid dearly for it. I’m hurt and furious that I wasted so many good years of my life.
The lies and fear created stress, and prolonged stress breaks down the body and mind. Eventually, it makes you sick. I was always ill. On top of that, I carried the demands of being a woman in the military, the long hours, constant training, deployments, and moving wherever I was needed.
And through it all, I was homesick. Religion told me to stay away from my family. Religion told me not to make friends. Religion told me to live in isolation. I couldn’t lean on my family when I needed them most, being young and away from home for the first time. I was cut off from reality and my support system, with nothing but toxic teachings filling my head. I was alone, and that loneliness made me sick.
This subject is heavy and not easy to read, so I’ll keep it short for now and continue another time
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